Seeking stillness
Jan. 6th, 2014 07:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
calissaThere has hardly been a cloud in the sky for days, even though the temperature has dropped back from the scorching summer heat to something a little more comfortable. The claret ash trees are heavy with seed and the oaks have the first beginnings of acorns. As I write this, the sun is slowly setting and the evening is full of the long shadows and golden light that speak so eloquently of the season. The western horizon will still be a paler shade of blue when 9:30 PM rolls around.
Today was my first day fully back to my normal routine. Work--on the Gold Coast anthology, on Wolfwinter, on all the usual things--resumed in earnest. And yet, I still found myself spending the latter half of last week trying to conquer my To Do list. Much like my To Read list, it never seems to grow smaller but only longer, no matter how hard I work at it. In the back of my mind, I know this is the height of foolishness. Everyone dies with something left undone--I've seen the truth of this with my own eyes in recent years. Nevertheless, I find myself anxiously battling to get through everything, trying to "catch up"--to what, I don't know.
What I would like, instead, is to slow down. I'd like to pause, to breathe, to savour the cool breeze coming in through my study window. I'd like to appreciate the life that is passing me by while I worry about my To Do list. This isn't a New Year's resolution, but more a vague hope for the year.
My actual goals for the year are something quite different. Mostly they involve finishing things.
I have approximately ten weeks until my candidate year with the AODA is meant to be completed. I aim to have finished the requirements by then, though I anticipate it may actually take me a little longer (which is fine--a year is the minimum time in which to complete the requirements, not the maximum). Once that is completed, I will be taking some time to consider if I want to complete the next degree.
The Gold Coast anthology is due to be launched in early May. The edits need to be completed by the end of the month. This is my biggest focus at the moment.
My writing goal for the year is to straighten out Wolfwinter. This chiefly involves working out what happens in the second book to a reasonable level of detail and fixing up the pacing issue in the first.
And lastly, I will be participating in a self portrait course called Be Your Own Beloved. I have a few body image issues and so I expect this is going to be a huge challenge for me. I still don't know whether I'm going to be brave enough to share my photos.
Trying to strike a balance between these projects and the stillness I'm craving is going to be yet another challenge... though perhaps one that relates to those self esteem issues.
Today was my first day fully back to my normal routine. Work--on the Gold Coast anthology, on Wolfwinter, on all the usual things--resumed in earnest. And yet, I still found myself spending the latter half of last week trying to conquer my To Do list. Much like my To Read list, it never seems to grow smaller but only longer, no matter how hard I work at it. In the back of my mind, I know this is the height of foolishness. Everyone dies with something left undone--I've seen the truth of this with my own eyes in recent years. Nevertheless, I find myself anxiously battling to get through everything, trying to "catch up"--to what, I don't know.
What I would like, instead, is to slow down. I'd like to pause, to breathe, to savour the cool breeze coming in through my study window. I'd like to appreciate the life that is passing me by while I worry about my To Do list. This isn't a New Year's resolution, but more a vague hope for the year.
My actual goals for the year are something quite different. Mostly they involve finishing things.
I have approximately ten weeks until my candidate year with the AODA is meant to be completed. I aim to have finished the requirements by then, though I anticipate it may actually take me a little longer (which is fine--a year is the minimum time in which to complete the requirements, not the maximum). Once that is completed, I will be taking some time to consider if I want to complete the next degree.
The Gold Coast anthology is due to be launched in early May. The edits need to be completed by the end of the month. This is my biggest focus at the moment.
My writing goal for the year is to straighten out Wolfwinter. This chiefly involves working out what happens in the second book to a reasonable level of detail and fixing up the pacing issue in the first.
And lastly, I will be participating in a self portrait course called Be Your Own Beloved. I have a few body image issues and so I expect this is going to be a huge challenge for me. I still don't know whether I'm going to be brave enough to share my photos.
Trying to strike a balance between these projects and the stillness I'm craving is going to be yet another challenge... though perhaps one that relates to those self esteem issues.
