calissa

I have recently started reading Terri Windling's blog Myth and Moor. This is partly for her gorgeous photos of Dartmoor and the lavish sprinkling of artwork (both hers and others') that accompany her posts. Often it is also for the wisdom--again, both hers and others'.

Over the last few days, I have been struggling with my writing. I had wanted to finish A Roost to Call Home in time for the

talechasing Quarterly Challenge. However, the more I told myself I had to get it done, the more my inner writer dug in her heels and refused to have a bar of it. I got increasingly frustrated with myself and frustrated with my frustration, which I knew was only making matters worse.

When the deadline passed, there was an odd little sigh of relief.

Today, as I worked on catching up on my backlog of blog reading, I came across Terri Windling's musings on rituals of approach and found some moments of recognition. In particular, her quote from Hillary Rettig detailing the toxic and anti-productive habits of perfectionism which include:

Defining success narrowly and unrealistically; punishing oneself harshly for perceived failures. Grandiosity; or the deluded idea that things that are difficult for other people should be easy for you. Shortsightedness, as manifested in a 'now or never' or 'do or die' attitude. Over-identification with the work. Overemphasis on product (vs. process), and on external rewards.

I have been able to tick most of those boxes recently.

I think there's a few things going on here for me. First and foremost, I am not respecting the kind of writer I am or my ritual of approach. I am slow. No amount of browbeating, encouragement or wishing otherwise is likely to change that--quite to the contrary, as the last few days have shown. Expecting myself to pick up my lapsed writing habit and churn out a short story in a matter of days is not realistic.

Most of this is not new to me but I seem to have forgotten it somewhere.

So where to from here? Since my ritual of approach can be a long one, I am contemplating setting aside more time for writing. Where I'll fit this in, I'm not quite sure. However, Daylight Savings is set to end here on the weekend. I had intended to use the occasion as an excuse to check in with myself regarding my routine anyway, to make sure it is still working for me. It may be that I don't end up setting aside more time but keep more strictly to the time I have already earmarked.

Speaking of which, I think I need to return to writing more regularly. I have noticed that writing has a kind of momentum to it and that when I have been writing regularly it becomes easier (though never easy) to start a session. Indeed, Windling quotes Jane Yolen on this subject:

Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.

I expect to forget this again at some point. With luck, it won't be for a good, long while.