Writing reminders

[calissa]

I have recently started reading Terri Windling's blog Myth and Moor. This is partly for her gorgeous photos of Dartmoor and the lavish sprinkling of artwork (both hers and others') that accompany her posts. Often it is also for the wisdom--again, both hers and others'.

Over the last few days, I have been struggling with my writing. I had wanted to finish A Roost to Call Home in time for the talechasing Quarterly Challenge. However, the more I told myself I had to get it done, the more my inner writer dug in her heels and refused to have a bar of it. I got increasingly frustrated with myself and frustrated with my frustration, which I knew was only making matters worse.

When the deadline passed, there was an odd little sigh of relief.

Today, as I worked on catching up on my backlog of blog reading, I came across Terri Windling's musings on rituals of approach and found some moments of recognition. In particular, her quote from Hillary Rettig detailing the toxic and anti-productive habits of perfectionism which include:

Defining success narrowly and unrealistically; punishing oneself harshly for perceived failures. Grandiosity; or the deluded idea that things that are difficult for other people should be easy for you. Shortsightedness, as manifested in a 'now or never' or 'do or die' attitude. Over-identification with the work. Overemphasis on product (vs. process), and on external rewards.

I have been able to tick most of those boxes recently.

I think there's a few things going on here for me. First and foremost, I am not respecting the kind of writer I am or my ritual of approach. I am slow. No amount of browbeating, encouragement or wishing otherwise is likely to change that--quite to the contrary, as the last few days have shown. Expecting myself to pick up my lapsed writing habit and churn out a short story in a matter of days is not realistic.

Most of this is not new to me but I seem to have forgotten it somewhere.

So where to from here? Since my ritual of approach can be a long one, I am contemplating setting aside more time for writing. Where I'll fit this in, I'm not quite sure. However, Daylight Savings is set to end here on the weekend. I had intended to use the occasion as an excuse to check in with myself regarding my routine anyway, to make sure it is still working for me. It may be that I don't end up setting aside more time but keep more strictly to the time I have already earmarked.

Speaking of which, I think I need to return to writing more regularly. I have noticed that writing has a kind of momentum to it and that when I have been writing regularly it becomes easier (though never easy) to start a session. Indeed, Windling quotes Jane Yolen on this subject:

Exercise the writing muscle every day, even if it is only a letter, notes, a title list, a character sketch, a journal entry. Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up.

I expect to forget this again at some point. With luck, it won't be for a good, long while.

Comments

[raze]

Ah, many words of wisdom shared in this post.

I struggle hugely with perfectionism and the associated negative self-perception that comes with failing to live up to the unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves. I had a lengthy talk with a good friend once about the nightmare hybrid of egotism and self-loathing that perfectionism breeds; you come to despise yourself for failing to maintain balance on the pedestal you've placed yourself on. I of course do not know you quite well enough to know the extent of your experience with this phenomenon, of course, but the quote reminded me of this conversation.

And yes, so much yes, to any little tidbit of writing - even if it seems paltry - being useful exercise for writers. Though I suspect I'd be sorely tempted should they ever develop writing 'roids. ;)

[calissa]

I had a lengthy talk with a good friend once about the nightmare hybrid of egotism and self-loathing that perfectionism breeds; you come to despise yourself for failing to maintain balance on the pedestal you've placed yourself on.

What an excellent way of putting it! Yes, I recognise this. I suspect that working in the industry has compounded the matter to some extent.

I think one of the (many) things you do very well is to write those little tidbits.

[jjhunter]

Thank you for drawing my attention to this!

I think you know many of my thoughts on this subject already from the 'Making a Practice of Poetry' week I hosted at poetree, but I quite like both Hillary Rettig-via-Terri Windling's framing of the difficulties a writing practice can face and your own quietly courageous unpacking of your current struggles.

These are things worth remembering and worth revisiting, because there's so much in our everyday lives that reinforces unrealistic expectations & narrow definitions of success to sell us things or sell us on thinkings that support underlying status quos. We need cues to center back to valuing time spent on process & interiority & satisfaction for one's own sake — and there is something to be said for writing something, even if it's very short, regularly.

I hope the time since you posted this has brought some easing of the harder bits, but I would recommend switching up the lengths & styles in which you write when you're hitting difficulties (having more than one writing project going at a time can be very good for this!), and if you are podcast-inclined, Writing Excuses may prove a neat resource for you to check out — I've been working my way through the season 7 archives lately, and finding much food for thought (and inspiration) for my own projects & processes there.

[calissa]

Thank you for stopping by and for taking time to leave such a thoughtful comment. I very much appreciate it.

Things have been going better recently. A friend of mine encouraged me to try starting off each writing session by writing a drabble. I've been finding this an excellent practice. I also have your 'Making a Practice of Poetry' posts bookmarked to muse over a bit later on.

Also, thank you for the podcast recommendation. I look forward to checking it out.

There are some thoughts rattling around in the back of my mind about how communities can both promote and undermine process-centred thinking (my IRL writing community and my online writing communities are rather different) but they haven't quite shaped themselves into something coherent.

Thank you again for stopping by!